Well, my good friend *siriuslylostwerewolf had a very serious poll this night; and my reply was so long...and I had let out so many emotions into this one comment, I wanted to share it with you all...and see what you think. I don't care if you get angry, just don't yell at me too much...or too harsly...okies

I speak nothing but the truth and the whole truth; I've let all of this out of me; these are my true and very real feelings; don't stop too hard now ya'll...and please try to be kind; I've let a lot off of my chest here.....I hope you all can understand my point of view.

So now....the underlying question: Do you believe in a higher power?


My reply:

In all honesty...I'm still trying to figure it out. Half the time I feel like I'm just saying I believe in God just to say it; just to make my friends happy...but honestly I don't really know. I haven't been moved or influenced by anything yet..or well, I mean I have been moved, really moved, by short plays and things that I have seen about Jesus; moved to tears even. I believe he was a great man, one who died for what he believed in, which was his people.

As for the Lord God in heaven...I have yet to "meet" Him; to believe that He's truly there. I mean....I feel as if there could be a greater power out there, one that governs us all.....one that decided to give this earth a life and the inhabitants of it...who is now most likely punishing us by just sitting back and watching us destroy ourselves >>;

But...well...I hate saying that I don't believe in Him....because if I say so people look at me like I'm the Anti-Chirst or something >>" I can't help it; my family never pushed God onto me; never influenced my way of thinking. My mother told me that she wanted me to decide for myself...and so I guess I shall.....someday. Until then, I hope that no one looks down upon me for not going to church, for not finishing the Bible, and for doubting His great and almighty existence; I just have yet to find my place in the world, yet to have found my great beign...my saviour, my god, lord and protector.

And I hope that people can forgive and understand me here when I say that I truly do not know what exactly to believe in; with God and Jesus being advertised; with some people making me feel like I'm going to hell if I don't believe in him; that I'm not human if I don't; or that it's all just a hoax, that's it's not real, that it's stupid......I'm just well....I'm really confused, that's all. With the way the world is today, who can rightfully blame me for not knowing?.... I guess I'll just have to search my whole life for the answer; and I'm perfectly contented with that really. I just hate it when people make such a huge deal out of it...it makes me feel unholy and extremely uncomfortable...then make me feel like a walking sin or something....

I sound like a self-centered brat don't I? >.< Oh well...it's the truth, it's what I think and feel; and damn does it feel good to get this all out....I think I'm going to post this into my journal so that I can get other peoples opinions.

If you get angry at me I understand, if you understand me I'll feel grateful; if you want me to shut-up....don't comment ;_; Be nice if you try to "flame" me for not loving Jesus....I'm sorry that I'm so confuzzled.

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God Bless till then I guess~ I hope I can understand who I feel is the higher power; it does make me feel proud to hold my hand over my heart and say the words "One nation, under God" in my nation's pledge of allegiance. So maybe I do believe in him? Gah...I'm so full of doubt it makes me want to strangle myself! @~@


Till next time~
~Kisha-chan